You know the go-to person when things go wrong for friends or family?
The one who always ends up listening to complete strangers sharing their troubles?
The reliable person always asked to help out at family or community events?
Compelled to be useful in every situation.
The rock of sense, the great listener, the pair of safe hands, the shoulder to cry on, the non-judgemental friend and the wise counsellor.
Behind the scenes, always in the kitchen at parties, turning up when needed, quietly and invisibly keeping the wheels turning and the lights on everywhere they go.
One of life’s natural-born helpers.
That was me!
I’m happy to report that it still is me, only now my actions are coming from a place of grounded power rather than a position of self-destruction.
If you are also one of life’s helpers, congratulations! That is an amazing gift. You’re kind and generous and sensitive and intuitive and strong and incredibly resilient.
Never lose that!
Of course the desire to help others is not always about altruism!
Science has shown that reaching out to give another person a helping hand helps us to feel subconsciously better in several ways. One such way is that helping triggers a release of oxytocin, which boosts your mood and neutralises the ‘stress hormone’ cortisol.
The higher your levels of oxytocin, the more you want to help others and, when oxytocin is boosted, so are serotonin and dopamine. which gives you a triple hit of happy hormones!
And then there are times when our compulsion to help is actually disempowering the person we want to help! When we rush in to fix things without giving the other person the opportunity to work it out for themselves, we are sending a message that we are somehow better able to deal with the situation than they are.
However, most helpers are operating from a place of genuine concern for others, which is why there is a possibility that – like me – your personal boundaries are a bit cloudy.
You could be inclined to let people walk and talk all over you, take you for granted and treat you like a piece of furniture.
You’ll step in and step up to help even when have nothing more to give – physically, mentally or emotionally.
Helping other people is harming you!
And you’ll end up feeling burnt out, unappreciated and resentful, which creates a vicious cycle that destroys your self-esteem and sense of worth and purpose.
This is why I created The Empowerment Effect – for all life’s natural-born helpers.
Because we really can’t effectively help anyone else unless we’re willing to help ourselves first.
I wanted to continue to help whoever, wherever and whenever possible, but I knew that I needed to do so from a place of grounded strength, and that meant that I had to work on my own boundaries. I had to acknowledge my limitations and learn about self-care.
My mission is to transform the world from the inside out – one beautiful soul at a time – and that has to start with ME – just as your inside-out transformation must begin with the beautiful soul that is YOU!
The Empowerment Effect is a 9-step process to help us all transform from the inside out in order to recognise and remove destructive patterns, behaviours and beliefs so that we can keep sharing our gifts with the world and lifting each other up.
There’s a free e-book of The Empowerment Effect 101 in the files section of my private Facebook Group for members to download and share at will.
Or you can message me and I’ll send you copy.
And there is more on the way!